For many, the holidays aren’t exactly a relaxing time. It’s often a break from your job, but you gain new tasks you have to complete to keep everything rolling smoothly and doesn’t exactly feel like period where you get any of the rest you needed.
I spent the time between Christmas and New Year’s with an aggressive form of the flu that, for lack of a better expression, knocked me on my ass for a week. During the tail end of that illness (when I could actually somewhat focus on something other than how bad I felt), I passed the time playing video games which has become an increasingly hollow experience.
Don’t get me wrong, I still derive a degree of enjoyment from them but with my limited free time it just doesn’t scratch the itch that I need for all that I need to squeeze in. It feels like I’m trying to do a mix of things:
Ignore my problems and escape
Solve some of my desires for an outlet (competition, socialization, etc.)
Chase a version of myself who doesn’t exist anymore that I can find the ghost of while playing games
Video games played a pretty large part of my life for a while. They served as my third space in a way and gave me something to do when I wanted to connect with my friends across the country. The sense of fulfillment from completing the games was always hollow and secondary to the social aspect I enjoyed.
As I’ve gotten older, the opportunities to partake in friendly competitions has largely vanished from my life and video games themselves have changed from a way to let off steam to slot machines designed to extract as much money per player as possible. Video games were originally a great way for me to be included with my friends who lived in neighborhoods I lived too far away from. I would have much rather enjoyed going to play lacrosse or basketball with them in person, but I didn’t have the proximity to them to do that.
Some of my friends astutely recognized most video games for what they were, an artificial environment that serves to replace actual achievement. They got out before things really took a turn and truth be told, the games of my teens look nothing like the games of today.
I took longer to recognize this and honestly probably wasted/missed a lot of opportunities when I was younger because of the pull video games had on me. To clarify, I don’t see the time spent with friends as wasted but I do see the time I spent playing alone neglecting other responsibilities as a problem.
Back then I had the luxury of time. I had nothing but time and didn’t care how I spent it. Now I’m 30 and have a pretty full life that doesn’t have much room for most video games. For that reason, I’m going to take a little break and see what kind of changes I notice when I remove them from my life for a period of 90 days. I’ll then review to see how things have changed and see if it was even worth it or if I’m scapegoating the wrong thing.
I don’t really ever regret not playing video games, but I do often regret the things I could have been doing in place of gaming that may have been harder but would have been more fulfilling. I’ve accepted that I can’t change the past, but it did sting for a while when I was younger to think about what could have been if I had devoted more time to what I cared about instead of running from the work.
Sleep normal hours in high school, gain healthy weight, do better in school, get better at guitar
Sleep normal hours in early college, do better in school, learn things I was interested in
Now video games are getting in the way of my obligations outside of work and my limited time to pursue my interests and engage in my hobbies. To preface, I’m not someone who plays often (5 hours or so a week at maximum) but I have people who need me and need my attention and that’s 5 hours I don’t give to anyone really.
If anything, that 5 hours takes away from my life because I do not unwind or let off any steam I often will have steam build up or be wound tighter. Modern video games are crafted towards the online experience because that is where the highest potential for micro-transactions occurs.
It’s extremely easy to ignore the urge to buy a skin or an upgrade in a single player game because there isn’t really any pressure to do so. When you play an online game, you are thrust into a competitive landscape where everyone else is paying to play so you feel compelled to as well in order to remain competitive and somewhat enjoy the game.
That’s the key I’ve honed in on. I don’t want to pay money to somewhat enjoy something that’s sole purpose is to provide enjoyment to me. It’s a form of entertainment, not a substitute for another job. I don’t enjoy grinding away all day at a job to have to do the same in a game for limited satisfaction.
I feel like the gaming industry has moved on from people like me and instead is chasing a different type of person. I also don’t need to fight to recreate a time or version of me that will never come back. The world continues to move and I need to evolve with it. I’m the only person who can control my choices and I choose to do what is necessary when it is time to and what is enjoyable when I have the chance to.
Until next week,
Ian